So, the kids are back to school and after a week we seem to be settling in. Sarah started high school and Isabella started grade 5 and we’re getting used to the new routines that are needed when your kids are going to different schools. But now that things are starting to get comfortable my mind drifts to my mom (and dad…but we haven’t got there in the story yet…stay tuned!) and this new milestone we’ve hit in our lives.
You see, Sarah starting high school was one of those subtle reminders that something is missing. Sarah is meeting new people, making new friends, learning new things and starting out on what some say are the best years of your life. My mom would have been thrilled, over the moon that her little buddy was starting this next phase. And it just makes me think that it’s yet one other thing that we get to miss out on and it makes me sad.
Most days these reminders don’t bother me – I sort of just roll with the punches because if I let them all in, I would be a basketcase. But every once in a while one just gets to you – a little twinge that nags at you and forces you to dwell on it. For example, a couple of months ago I was sitting in a conference room at work. My closest co-worker was giving a presentation to myself, our boss and a few others but her mother was also there (her mother works with us as well). The presentation she was giving was for a global project and it was a big deal…huge…and she was just fantastic. But the hard part was when our boss leaned over to her mother and said, “Aren’t you just so proud of her?” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, don’t get me wrong - my co-worker deserves her mother’s pride. It was just one of those moments that take your breath away when you realize that you’ll never have that again and even after almost seven years, I still felt sorry for myself.
So I picked myself up and got my pulse and breathing back under control and was able to finish my day with no one the wiser. But, I gave in and cried most of the way home (I really need to stop crying so much in the car) because sometimes you need to just give in to your emotions. By the time I picked my husband up though, I had it all tucked up into a neat little ball in the back of my mind to save for a rainy day and everything was all right in my world again.
Then Sarah started high school and with that I remembered I can’t ask my mom how she felt when I started high school (did she worry about the same things I’m worried about? What if she worried about something I haven’t thought of yet?) A reminder that I can’t ask her anything – I’m all alone. Thank goodness for distractions – uniforms to buy, orientations, bus schedules (oh my!) – there doesn’t seem to be enough time to dwell on this one. I guess it will just have to wait for that rainy day!
You see, Sarah starting high school was one of those subtle reminders that something is missing. Sarah is meeting new people, making new friends, learning new things and starting out on what some say are the best years of your life. My mom would have been thrilled, over the moon that her little buddy was starting this next phase. And it just makes me think that it’s yet one other thing that we get to miss out on and it makes me sad.
Most days these reminders don’t bother me – I sort of just roll with the punches because if I let them all in, I would be a basketcase. But every once in a while one just gets to you – a little twinge that nags at you and forces you to dwell on it. For example, a couple of months ago I was sitting in a conference room at work. My closest co-worker was giving a presentation to myself, our boss and a few others but her mother was also there (her mother works with us as well). The presentation she was giving was for a global project and it was a big deal…huge…and she was just fantastic. But the hard part was when our boss leaned over to her mother and said, “Aren’t you just so proud of her?” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, don’t get me wrong - my co-worker deserves her mother’s pride. It was just one of those moments that take your breath away when you realize that you’ll never have that again and even after almost seven years, I still felt sorry for myself.
So I picked myself up and got my pulse and breathing back under control and was able to finish my day with no one the wiser. But, I gave in and cried most of the way home (I really need to stop crying so much in the car) because sometimes you need to just give in to your emotions. By the time I picked my husband up though, I had it all tucked up into a neat little ball in the back of my mind to save for a rainy day and everything was all right in my world again.
Then Sarah started high school and with that I remembered I can’t ask my mom how she felt when I started high school (did she worry about the same things I’m worried about? What if she worried about something I haven’t thought of yet?) A reminder that I can’t ask her anything – I’m all alone. Thank goodness for distractions – uniforms to buy, orientations, bus schedules (oh my!) – there doesn’t seem to be enough time to dwell on this one. I guess it will just have to wait for that rainy day!
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